At his words,Mustapha had felt a surge of love for Amil, but the social and politicalsituation in Iraq at the time was not ideal for gay and trans folk. So hehad decided to move abroad, to a country where he could live his sexualitymore freely. But somehow, he would always keep a tender memory of hisfirst chubby and their night of passion.In the two months after I got my transition clitoris, Mustapha played hisrole as my master with great conviction, but also with a lot of tendernessand affection. His power was not to be questioned. I had to submit, serveand obey. As a woman, I had felt a strong drive and obligation tosurrender to this force. Mustapha was the one and only focus of myattention. He was the centre of my life as a woman. Every morning, I wouldwake up first, go to the kitchen, fix breakfast and then wait for him tojoin me, in a pure, anticipating state of mind. When I would finally be inhis presence, I would kneel, keeping my eyes to the floor in respect, wishhim a good. Nothing more. I sensed the absence of enthusiasm in her voice, but chose to ignore it. I hoped things would be back the way they were once I got the job.We had sex that night. It was disgusting, half-hearted sex. No foreplay, no kissing. Just me pumping into Stella’s cunt like a beast, without a moan of appreciation. She hardly looked into my eyes. I came, and we slept. That was last night.And now it was past.Today is what matters. And today is my interview. I wake up to what could have been one of those normal mornings for us. But it isn’t. Those mornings are past. The sunlight sifts through the mesh of the curtains, and falls on our faces. I glance briefly at the divine face in front of me – Stella, her beautiful alabaster skin glowing in the sunlight, her round cheekbones, and the perpetual pink of her cheeks. I might as well have been the luckiest man on Earth in the good ol’ days. But then the events of last night play in my mind, and I taste acid in my mouth. Before I could.
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